Tuesday, August 24, 2010

cottage cheese/dill bread

Baking bread is emasculating. There's really nothing more to say.

When you think of baking, you think of a 1950's housewife, wearing a sparkling white and red checkered apron, mixing things with a wooden spoon. It's not something that a guy who knows who Taylor Teagarden is should be doing, although I'm also stoked that I finally have a dishwasher.

That being said, it makes your place smell better than say, the farts a young man emitted while sleeping, having eaten a great deal of beets the prior evening. It also makes a pretty mean sandwich.

The dill works well with cream cheese and cucumber. If smoked salmon were affordable, that would probably taste pretty good too.

Give it a try. It's pretty hard to screw up, and it will impress your friends who are questioning their sexuality.


2 t active dry yeast
1/4 c lukewarm water
1/2 t sugar
12 oz cottage cheese
1 egg
1 T finely minced onion
4 T olive oil
1/4 t baking soda
2-3 T dill
2-3 c flour
1 t salt

Start off by dissolving the 2 t yeast in the 1/4 c of lukewarm water. Stir in the 1/2 t sugar. Let that chill until you start to see the yeast foaming up.

While you're waiting, watch preseason football to reclaim your dignity, or mix up everything else but the flour in a big mixing bowl.

Once you've got that all mixed up, the yeast should be about ready. Stir in the yeast mixture. Now add 2 c flour. The dough will be very sticky. Knead the dough for 10 minutes, tossing in more flour occasionally as the dough starts sticking to you and really pissing you off, like the desperate, Jon Gosselin-looking guy at the bar.

After 10 minutes, take your dough, flatten it out a bit and roll it up. Put the side with the seam down in an oiled loaf pan, so that the nice smooth side of your loaf-shaped dough is facing up. Cover that with a damp cloth and let it sit for about 2 hours.

Brush a little oil over the top of the dough and toss it in a 375 degree oven for 45 minutes. Now you have tasty bread, and tangible evidence that your dad never played catch with you.

SHAME - 8/10
Throw the football through your tire-swing ten times in a row, perfect spiral, before you come in to cry in the shower.

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